Do You Feel Better Now?
by Keleio
Summary: OLD - Come inside the house of Kenny McCormick. It's gonna be a long night...Warning: Graphic


Author Note:

No, I did not disappear off the face of the earth. I deleted my stores cause they suck and I wrote them oh too long ago.

Yes? Okay, let us continue. Let's just accept this as something I'm wrote, try not to ponder on whether it is based on personal experiences, though I know if you're reading this, you might ask me. This is just something crappy I wrote, let's accept that, shall we? I really don't want to identify sexes in this ... whatever it is, so I'm going to use "they", but I am really referring to an individual person. I also chose to use "you" rather than "he" or "I" just because I feel like it gives the reader better insight to the emotion also because that's just the way I wrote it originally, but if it doesn't for you, then I apologize.

Also. It's not meant to be any good. I know I suck at writing which is why my fanfiction account became so barren so please don't add to the hate, unless it is **construction criticism**. I don't mind criticism, but unless it's helpful I don't just wanna hear "you suck." If you can tell me WHY I suck, then go right ahead. I already know I suck, thanks. I'm a sensitive person, so please be gentle.

My guess is I've lost anyone who was reading whatever of mine, I hope to gain some readers though. I promise if there's reviews that I'll write more stories and post and whatnot.

**Disclaimer: I don't own South Park or any of its characters, plots, etc. ..but it'd be pretty cool if I did **

They call your name  
Your eyes grow wider  
and you become still  
They call louder  
You tremble slightly and slowly rise up

You go with a smile on your face  
hoping it'll be different than the last  
though it never is.

Mere sentences trigger the yelling  
You feel the sudden emotions overwhelming you  
You try to explain  
To just get things out  
But all you can hear is the constant yelling  
until you're both unable to hear what the other is saying  
because you're both drowning each other out  
with constant yelling

You get bold  
decide to say exactly what's on your mind  
You see the hand raised  
You cringe and close your eyes  
knowing exactly what's coming

When you've have enough  
you get even bolder  
and just tell them to go ahead and hit you  
Trying to sound brave  
when inside your cowering  
your legs are shaking  
and you can already feel the tears coming

They pause.

As if you had just told them  
that you had loathed them  
and their mild ignorance  
The very thought that had been on your mind  
the entire time.

They tell you to come closer  
You refuse.

They demand you to come closer. You decide to risk your chances and obey. You feel a firm hand  
reach it's way to your neck  
and slowly tighten

with a stern look in their eyes  
they glare at you coldly.  
The smell of liquor  
filling your nostrils  
as you feel their hot breath against your body  
and you continue to quiver  
feeling practically helpless

The yelling continues  
and they slowly release you.  
You gently reach for your neck  
and look at the ground  
regretting the past few minutes  
silently in your mind  
knowing that the rest  
would just be more pain

You just give up  
and begin to sob  
you decide to let it all go and just walk away  
you try to hide in a room  
though it feels like there's no where to hide  
because soon enough  
you hear the yelling again  
only someone else is taking it  
you hate the sound  
your head starts to pound  
you hate the sound so much  
you just want to bang your head against the wall  
just so you can't hear it anymore  
and maybe you'll wake and  
you won't have to feel the pain anymore

You begin to bawl  
wishing it would all just go away  
you find yourself gasping for air  
as all your emotions are pouring out  
and all the times before this  
and all the pain you felt  
everything  
just appears again  
the scars are opened  
the mended heart  
is again broken..

The emotions are so intense  
you feel like nothing  
could even begin to express  
the way that you are feeling

no amount of crying  
no amount of yelling  
nothing could even come close.

You wish so much  
that someone knew how you felt  
that you could just have someone there  
unconditionally  
just knowing exactly what was going through your mind  
and telling you what you needed to hear  
and letting you know  
that they wouldn't abandon you

You look towards your phone..  
No one to call.

Who would listen?  
_They wouldn't understand.  
_How could you even begin...?  
_No one..  
_You gather up the courage  
ring._  
The stifled sobs._.  
ring._  
All the pain.._  
ring._  
harsh breathing.._  
ring.

no answer.

figures.

You begin to move uneasily  
frantically  
Still crying  
though the sound has slowly diminished

You gently slide your fingers  
up your arm  
leaving red scratch marks  
as you take a sharp intake of breath

You eyes dart around the room  
looking for something sharp..  
not wanting to leave the room  
for fear of what lay ahead outside of it

A thought sparks.

You hastily move from the room  
trying to get to the bathroom door  
but are again halted

Now in a lower tone They ask you to come towards them You slowly walk over  
your face tear-stricken

They lay downt he law while you stand there  
eyes closed  
tears flowing silently down your cheeks

as they tell you  
they don't want to see or hear you  
they just want you to stand there  
and take it..

...and you do.. silently..  
without a word.

_Just to stop the pain._

you leave quietly..  
closing the bathroom door  
and locking it with a small 'click'  
reaching silently for the blade  
you had pictured in your head  
moments ago in the room

You see it shining in the light

If they didn't want to hear you..  
You would end it here  
ever so silently...

and run the blade your skin slowly...

_nothing._

You decide to place the blade down  
When you do,  
you notice the blood beginning to appear against your skin..  
...and how you never felt a thing  
You feel the last of your tears  
streaming slowly down you cheek...  
just closing your eyes  
weakly turning on the shower  
..to wash off the blood.  
to wash away the pain...

..the pain that always returns..


End file.
